what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
