hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
