She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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