I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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