I think i peed on brittanys purse
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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