He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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