i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
