I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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