I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
