I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
