I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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