I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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