I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
