Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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