You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
