Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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