If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
