Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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