Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
