How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
