I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
