I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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