im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
