Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
