I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
