the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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