I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
