I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
