I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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