the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
