you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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