At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
