NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
