I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am one with the molecules
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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