Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
