I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The uberlube is also flammable
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
