So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
