Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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