You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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