either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
