if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
