she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
