I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
