I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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