He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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