I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
