Where did you get a picture of my penis
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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