I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
