I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
