who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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