I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
