So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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