Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
