I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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